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Michele is the mother of two boys, Clayton (Clay) and Bradley. She raised her boys in small-town Waynesville, NC. Both boys excelled athletically, having a particular passion for baseball. Although she and their father divorced when the boys were quite young, they co-parented well and the boys were blessed with loving step-parents. Life in their middle class, close-knit Christian home was pretty normal and when the boys were growing up, Michele never imagined that drugs would not only enter their family, drugs would ultimately shatter their world by taking Clay at the young age of 29.
Throughout his teen years, Clay had chronic sinus infections. In his early 20s the ENT said it was time for surgery. It was a routine outpatient surgery. Clay was prescribed Percocet. When he ran out, the doctor refilled it. Then refilled it again. Unbeknownst to his family, Clay had become addicted and dependent on prescription pain medication. When the scripts ran out, he started buying pills on the street. He reached a point that his addiction was so expensive, he could no longer pay his bills, including his mortgage. That’s when he asked for help. Thus, began a 6-year cycle of going to rehab, getting clean, relapsing and starting over again. Every time he relapsed, it seemed to get worse. In 2015 or 2016 Clay was introduced to heroin by a drug dealer – it was cheaper and easier to get.
On October 31, 2017, Clay checked himself into a detox and rehab center. From there he transferred to a long-term treatment facility. He was clean for 4 days shy of 11 months when he felt strong and confident enough to move out and into an apartment. His first night in his apartment, Clay relapsed, contacted a local drug dealer and bought what he thought was heroin. It wasn’t. At 3:53pm on Friday, September 28, 2018, Michele received a phone call that stopped her world from spinning. Clay had been found passed away in his apartment of an apparent drug overdose. It wasn’t until the autopsy results were given that the family learned that Clay’s cause of death Fentanyl Poisoning.
Clay loved helping others and had a true servant’s heart. In his loving memory, his mom, Michele has vowed to help others by being a source of support for family members affected by the horrible drug crisis. Her goal is to be a part of the solution by bringing awareness, eliminating the stigma of addiction and most of all helping to ensure that no other mama should suffer in silence the way she did through her son’s addiction and her family’s tremendous loss to the opioid crisis.
On October 31, 2017, Clay checked himself into a detox and rehab center. From there he transferred to a long-term treatment facility. He was clean for 4 days shy of 11 months when he felt strong and confident enough to move out and into an apartment. His first night in his apartment, Clay relapsed, contacted a local drug dealer and bought what he thought was heroin. It wasn’t. At 3:53pm on Friday, September 28, 2018, Michele received a phone call that stopped her world from spinning. Clay had been found passed away in his apartment of an apparent drug overdose. It wasn’t until the autopsy results were given that the family learned that Clay’s cause of death Fentanyl Poisoning.
Clay loved helping others and had a true servant’s heart. In his loving memory, his mom, Michele has vowed to help others by being a source of support for family members affected by the horrible drug crisis. Her goal is to be a part of the solution by bringing awareness, eliminating the stigma of addiction and most of all helping to ensure that no other mama should suffer in silence the way she did through her son’s addiction and her family’s tremendous loss to the opioid crisis.
“Sam was reserved, liking to study things from afar before joining in. He felt things to his core and was sensitive to the feelings of others but didn’t like to share his own emotions. He was very self-disciplined, delving deeply into any of his interests and practicing until he conquered them. Earlier in life, this manifested in mastering flips and twists in skateboarding or spray-painting graffiti and painting murals; later in his love of custom knife making, which he planned to continue as a lifelong career.”
~INTO LIGHT~
My story of a child with addiction is a little different in that he didn’t get prescribed opioids for a surgery or for pain management of any kind. I believe Sam’s drug use started as a fairly young teenager. It was just plain old peer pressure.
I homeschooled my boys from about 2nd grade on. I felt it was the “stable” thing to do. We had already moved a couple times and I didn’t want the boys to continually be changed from school to school. Ultimately, my marriage ended in divorce and I continued, as a single parent, homeschooling until the boys reached high school level. At that point, I enrolled them in public school.
This is the time I believe peer pressure and the wrong “friends” came into the picture. Sam got mixed up with the wrong crowd and I believe he must have started with trying pills along with pot. This is where a LOT of the unknown comes in for me. I can only assume and look back on things that were plain as day now! Then, I either chose to turn a blind eye or ignore it in hopes that I was looking at it all wrong, he was a teenage boy after all. In Sams' later teen years, he shifted to IV use of drugs. His dad and I found out and quickly tried to get him into some sort of treatment. Of course, the lack of affordable resources for us at that time, about 15 years ago, was a big stumbling block. By his choice, Sam ended up on methadone. I honestly didn’t know much about his choice. He had done the research and came up with this as his way of recovery. He actually educated me on this form of treatment. This worked very well for him for many years.
At some point, he decided for multiple reasons that he could begin the process of coming off the methadone. He started decreasing the mg dosage of his daily amount of methadone. He did it in such a way and took a long time doing so, that I really felt like he was doing it the right way. As often happens when one is not ready to do life without their Medicated Assisted Treatment, he returned to use.
After a fairly quick downhill slide, he ended up arrested and spending time in prison. He was there almost a year and in a program in the prison system that was somewhat like the services a treatment facility might provide. He was released to my home on probation. A week and a half later, July 26th 2019, was the last anybody heard from him. My last message from him. “Everything is fine.”
We found him under a bridge four days later. He had overdosed that July 26th night.
I truly believe that Sam was overwhelmed by his transition from prison to home. He had lost his business that he worked long and hard to create. He felt the odds were against him. How would he gain the trust and confidence of his clients? He had nowhere to live on his own. No money to his name, no car, no job, no license, no _____________. The list goes on for someone in this situation. He was ashamed…. And I’m sure he felt the weight of STIGMA. He felt hopeless.
So many takeaways from this story! So many regrets, so many things I would change and do differently. But that’s with the knowledge I have NOW, not then! What will I do with that knowledge? I will continue to make my son proud and not let his death be in vain. I will continue to help others to not have to experience the loss of a child. And I will help my remaining son, to NOT travel the same road! I am better equipped to help him and believe I will watch him travel the road to recovery. And every day, I will be sure to let him know that there is HOPE for recovery.
We must do better as a society, as a community, as a human. We must help bring HOPE to those that have none. We must stop playing judge with people’s lives. We must remember that “for the Grace of God, there go I.” We must do what we can to destigmatize addiction and substance use and see it for what it is; a disorder.
God picked me to be your mom
And although you’re gone, my job is not done
I will always work hard to make you proud
When you look down from above the clouds
I will try to be stronger, laugh louder, even sing
For you, my angel with God-given wings
I will never let your sweet memory die
Even though in this world, we had to say goodbye
Your last words to me were “I love you, goodnight”
And that’s the night you lost your fight
Sometimes I get angry and just want to know why
Because you battled so hard – you prayed and you tried
When I think of your love and how you helped others
I couldn’t be more proud that I am your mother
So I will share your memories and I will tell your story
Because if it helps just one, WOW! What Glory!!
You wanted everyone free from the grips of addiction
I will champion your cause to disarm this affliction
I will work hard and with passion, determination and love
Because I know you’ll be leading the way from above
You will be my strength when I am tired and weak
You will be the words when I struggle to speak
I know you’ll be with me as I fight this tough fight
You’ll forever and always be my bright guiding light
One day at a time, that’s what we learned
One step at a time is how victory is earned
So, with you by my side and holding my heart
Today is the day that my battle starts
I will do what I can to bring awareness and teach
I will help spread the word to every person I reach
I will help end the stigma so others may learn
This demon lurks around every corner they turn
Addiction is real and can touch anyone
No matter who you are or where you come from
No one chooses this horrific disease
It attacks with no mercy and its grip won’t release
But this mother promises all my remaining tomorrow
To help prevent another mom’s sorrow
I will pray for guidance, wisdom and knowledge
For you and all others, this is my pledge
By Michele Rogers (December 2019)
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